Aishwarya Rai in The Last Legion

It's the only mention of Aish I could find by the Indian media... given in that snobbishly condescending, more-English-than-English way ex-colonialized Asians often have when gleefully describing their fellow countrymen's failure to reach a standard they've set for them.

For me, I don't understand what this splashy big waves thing that they want her to achieve. I personally think she's the best thing in the movie. And that's saying a lot seeing that I'm there mainly for Colin Firth. There're scenes when, while screaming fangirlishly at anything Colin does on-screen, I found myself silently criticizing his posture or his dialogue delivery or his sword skills. In fact, I caught myself thinking (quite a lot of times too, and while ogling him in his Commander apparel) ...what is the reason behind the filmmakers choosing Colin as Aurelius? He'd make a better Merlin, a much better one than Ben Kingsley, actually.

There's almost none of that non-verbal complaints playing like a broken tape recorder inside my head when Aish is on. I was too busy gaping in lovestruck awe. She's a demon in the sword-fighting scenes and very rawrly sexy when she's strutting around in that guard uniform. I have no problem at all when a warrior woman appears overtly sexy in a film, if she could give me a decent fight. And Aish fought good. I rewinded her fighting scenes so many times. She'd look hot wielding the blades alongside Xena, I bet. Her emergence from the water is very Ursula-ish, if I may say so myself. I especially liked it when she stamped all over the Commander's head. His face during the scene is so precious LOL!

Thing is, I have never understood how to watch a movie in the enjoyment of continuity or story as a whole. I've always been attracted to particular scenes or particular actors. I can catch a tiny fragment of a film and if it evokes deep emotions, I can cry big buckets of tears or laugh uproariously. Which is why I don't like watching films with people for the first time, or any time really. I tend to get too critical if I take a movie seriously and it robs me of the entertainment value the film has to offer.

The Last Legion is a very entertaining movie for me and I came out of the experience enthusiastically declaring that there's no way I can say the money I spent on it is a waste. Even with the crow-picking-a-severed-finger and Wilfula's face-banged-on-the-side-of-an-axe scenes intact, it's suitable for family viewing... well, my family anyway... and I'd definitely recommend it to my younger siblings and my dad (he's a history teacher so he'd most probably enjoy the Roman bit) when they come to visit next time.

Hoshiz...

Aishwarya Rai is the only woman who has cozied up, albeit only on-screen, to the two men I adore the most. Gah! I hate her! LOL ..naaa, just kidding. She's a goddess. How come this film was not talked about among her foreign projects? She's so handy with swords, isn't she? No wonder she wielded them in Jodha Akbar with such ease. If I could say so, her life on and off films really has the feel of a fairy tale... complete with the violent and unpredictable famous movie star ex-boyfriend. Now she's married a really sweet famous movie star whose family is probably the most powerful team in the Indian film industry.

And Colin Firth is as ravishing as always. I've realised that Colin has the kind of face and figure that can pair up with any heroine as a couple. I absolutely love him with Nia Long in The Secret Laughter of Women. I don't understand why journalists never mention that movie in their articles whenever they go on and on about Colin being a romantic lead. I think it's his second most romantic role (the Darcies will always take first place) to date. I can watch him in it again and again.

I can't believe I have this DVD in my living room. Yeah, I haven't watched it yet. Go figure.